The Being Wellness Community came out of a desire to bring people together from all walks of life. Gathering those who want to live more meaningful and fulfilling lives through health and wellness. My intention is to share information that brings health and wellness into all aspects of our lives. Not just physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Inspiration comes from those who have figured out how to make health and wellness a priority.
This is why I would like to share Corina’s 10 year journey into health and wellness. It wasn’t as neat as hiring a personal trainer and nutritionist and Viola! Corina adopted a health and wellness lifestyle. Yes, it is much more raw, painful and full of struggle. Through the pain and struggle she emerges and steps into the woman she was always meant to be.
So here we go, meet Corina Chavez Madruga. The story of a woman who, despite losing all that she knew, decided to choose meaning and fulfillment. This woman has become an inspirational leader in her community gaining more than she ever expected.
The beginning
Corina, like most GenX women, spent the 90s and the early part of the millennium trying to keep up with the Jones’. Growing up in poverty she was unknown to the concept of self-love, self-acceptance and self-respect. Corina was pregnant at 16, married at 16, divorced at 18. She went back to high school and ended up a single mom in the workforce.
Feeling like she made a mess of her life, Corina felt like a failure. In an attempt to turn it around she decided to start living by the Jones’ checklist. She married her second husband, check. House on the cul-de-sac lot, check. Another child, check. The two cars and two dogs, check, check. A Bachelor’s degree, check. A Master’s degree, check. Everything looked great on the outside, the happy face mask was firmly in place. Everything should be good, right? What more do you want? Right? Well Corina felt like there WAS more and there was MORE she had to offer the world. It was a struggle to know where to find it and who would accept it.
Corina earned her Bachelor’s degree when she was in her late 20s. Then went on for her Master’s degree when she was in her 30s. Even though she worked hard to maintain the perfect social lifestyle, her marriage felt empty. Her husband was a great business partner, but not great romantic partner.
One thing lead to another, she ate horribly, she didn’t exercise, and gained weight. She noticed she had zero energy, she couldn’t run around with her daughter which caused her to sink lower. Corina started a habit of going to work, coming home and siting on the couch, repeating day after day. She started to develop digestive issues and was sick all the time. It became difficult to leave the house and couldn’t attend work. Corina asked herself “what the heck is going on? She realized that something needed to change, she started with getting the courage to divorce her second husband.
The Second divorce
Guilt immediately sank in as the initiator of the divorce. He was a great person and she was the person causing the pain for the family. This led to immobilizing depression. She felt so lost the first year of her divorce. She discovered she didn’t know who she was, where she was going, and she didn’t know what to do. Her mantra became, “I am a failure and I make bad decisions.”
Corina had a choice to continue to believe that mantra. Or she could believe that yes, she was capable of wrong decisions. But that wasn’t who she was. It didn’t define her. But if she is not the teenage mother who divorces her husbands and makes bad decisions, then who was Corina? She didn’t know and couldn’t answer that yet. What she did know was she didn’t want to handle her depression with medication. Corina’s own mother had suffered from depression when Corina was young. She recalls how she felt seeing her mother incapacitated at times. She did not want this for herself and she did not want her daughters to see her this way. So she decided to exercise instead. Exercise became a daily part of her life.
Exercise was her medication and her escape. She recalls how one Mother’s Day she was completely alone. Her youngest daughter was with her father. He refused to grant visitation on that particular Sunday since it was “his day”. Her family wasn’t speaking to her because she initiated her divorce, therefore, no mother, no grandmother, there was no one. It was a dark day.
Exercise in her apartment gym to relieve her feelings of depression was her solution. She cried it out as she lifted. She squeezed out all the pent up emotions she was feeling, but could not fully express. Hysterically she cried as snot ran down her nose. Corina squeezed out the helplessness she felt as a woman making her own choices. She felt the burden of living with the backlash of societies’ idea of her role as a woman. She cried for the loneliness she felt, for the lack of control she felt. What gave her strength and direction was this:
Corina enlightened to, you can’t control how other people will treat you. Or what they will do to you. Or how they will love you and accept you. The iron (gym weights) teaches you discipline and patience.
Searching for solutions
Although exercise started to help, she continued to eat horribly. Inevitably, Corina continued to have even more medical issues. After a trip to the emergency room, caused by a small pizza binge, the doctor said she was lactose intolerant. She could not digest dairy and she had no idea that was one of the causes of her digestive issues. Knowing that forced her to cut out dairy from her diet. As she connected with her body, finding the pain, she also learned red meat was a culprit as well. It also included white flour and breads which are all painful to digest. For Corina this became a metaphor for how the decisions she makes causes her pain.
As Corina learned what was causing her physical pain, mental pain, and spiritual pain. She asked herself, “What is it that I can control?”. Realizing she either lived with the pain caused by her decisions or changed something. She opted for change. Part of the change included exercise, eating well, sleeping well, while taking care of her daughter and herself. These became priorities. It took her 5 years post divorce to learn how to manage her pain, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Corina emphasizes it was a “mindset change”… and it was an everyday and every minute struggle.
Up until 1 year ago, Corina admits her motivation for exercise was to look like the women in the magazines. She was still not satisfied with her body. She saw all of the flaws, the dimples, hated the size of her arms, the cellulite, and stretch marks. This past summer, she bought a bathing suit for the 2nd time in her life. Now as a size 2, she still felt self-conscious.
Last year Corina is proud to say that she sought professional help. She found a therapist to help her figure out why she still didn’t feel whole and complete. It wasn’t enough to feel and look better physically when she was unable to manage her emotions. The doubts and insecurities she had were still affecting her day to day life. It is through therapy sessions Corina has learned about the real meaning of self – love. Including loving others, especially family, which is often littered with ultimatums.
When she divorced her second husband, two thirds of her immediate family stopped talking to her. This included parents, grandparents, siblings, and extended family. Everyone she knew and spent holidays with for 37 years…gone. Corina found herself learning to spend holidays on her own. If she had a flat tire, there was no one to call. When she went out of town on business, she doesn’t have that in-case of emergency person. This time of her life was extremely lonely and out of control, but this is where she grew the most.
Corina realized she couldn’t get past the feelings of rejection and not being accepted. It became apparent how important it was to truly love and accept herself. Including those flawed areas. She realized growing up, there was no class that taught you how to love yourself. Not conceit or arrogance, but truly deeply loving who you are, that kind of love. Those experiences set the tone to have sustainable relationships, either platonic or romantic, for the rest of your life. Her passion is to help other women who have struggled with this inability to love and accept themselves.
“Transparency is liberating, once the fear comes out from the darkness, it no longer has power over you.”
Through it all, a cancer scare, digestive issues, depression and anxiety, Corina learned to appreciate her body. She feels most beautiful when she is fresh out of the shower. Nothing to hide, no makeup, completely herself, no mask, no facade, just her, raw and unfiltered. One of her greatest realizations is…
“If I don’t love myself, I can’t expect anyone else to love me.”
Corina is no longer afraid to say NO to the things that make her feel negative in anyway. She will walk away. She confidently shares she is done cutting herself with other people’s broken pieces. Women are natural caregivers and fixers. She found out she was subconsciously drawn to people whom she thought she could fix. The most liberating realization is “It is not my job to fix you, it is my job to fix me“. She is empowering others to fix themselves, and not owning their problems anymore. This maxim has inevitably caused her to lose people in her life. For her own wellbeing, she is okay with that.
As a Hispanic woman, the hardest “No” she faced was the pressure to live based on other’s expectations. Even though her family didn’t notice, she struggled everyday. The family dynamics went on as usual. She pledged to herself not to get caught up in drama and gossip in other’s problems. It was difficult to say no. But by staying true to her priorities, she is a better person.
Corina also believes her struggle was for a reason and purpose. Before she had experienced depression, she didn’t think it was real. She thought it was only in a person’s mind or maybe it was a weakness. Even in those darkest moments, she wouldn’t admit to herself she was depressed. She also didn’t want to be numb and addicted to medication. She didn’t want to be that person. Because she suffered through depression, and knows it is very real, she is a more compassionate & empathetic person. It helped her to see beyond all the material possessions. It isn’t the foundation for happiness and self-worth. She feels less judgmental of herself and others because of it.
The first year of her divorce, her soul lacked the shine she tried to cover up with lipstick. Corina could not look at herself as a woman in the mirror, she didn’t like who she was. She has evolved into a woman who loves and accepts herself. Helping other women has given her passion. Women reach out to her all the time to ask, “How do you do it”? “Where do you find the strength”? “If you can do it, I know I can do it”.
Corina shares…
“It took me 40 years to figure out my passion.”
Corina is an HR director, which pays the bills and she is very thankful for that job. It gives her the freedom to do something that feeds her soul. She can support herself and her youngest daughter. She is grateful not to work multiple jobs like many women do.
Becoming a community leader
In the jungle of her post-divorce life, a female co-worker saw something in Corina she didn’t see in herself. She invited her to apply for Hispanic Leadership training. This was a turning point in her journey. The training was about being a servant leader in the community. The goal was finding ways to support and provide solutions for different community issues. This 10 week program gave her more insight into herself than her two collegiate degrees.
Part of the program included pealing back the layers of who you were. She learned that passions sometimes emerge from traumatic experiences. It caused her to really think, feel and deal with the messy stuff she had never dealt with before. She would drive home from the training crying as she pealed back those layers. Feeling lost even though she had come so far through her education and building a great career.
As Corina emerged from that experience, she saw a need to bring people together. She participated in community cleanups and even involved her youngest daughter. She became part of the solution and began volunteering within her community. At a volunteer event, she learned there was an upcoming school board election in her district. She attended an event out of curiosity. Her youngest daughter asked the candidate questions about their role in helping improve lives for children her age.
Corina wanted to learn more about this school district candidate. She had lunch with him and asked “How he knew what he wanted to do”? He turned it around and said, “Why don’t you run for the empty school board seat”? All Corina could think was, “I don’t know anything about running a school district or being an educator”!
She needed some guidance, so she went to her dad. Corina remembers the powerful question her dad asked, “Corina you’ve got your degrees, you went through Hispanic Leadership, what was it all for”?
She realized it was all for that moment, to live her passion and to help others. To be the woman she was meant to be. She entered into campaign life, which was a whole new world of sink or swim.
Beyond herself
She secured her governing board seat and does three key things:
- Listens to the community
- Learns
- Is a voice for the community
What emerged was that she was very good at being an advocate for other people and the communities’ needs.
Corina reflects that serving in her district isn’t about her. As a governing board member you work as a volunteer. It is about advocating for the 12,000 children in her district. 75% are Latino and approximately 65% are low poverty.
As women, we need to be asked 7 or 8 times to do something outside of home or work. Women are engrained with guilt that they can’t leave their children. They can’t leave the home. Everything else is selfish. The guilt consumes us as women. We say NO, we can’t do it because our role is traditionally something else. For men, it is no big deal. Men can decide to do something and mostly everyone else in his life will adjust. Corina will now tell women 7 or 8 times “Run for office”. Yes, it is a balancing act. There are some sacrifices but she shares a common political quote, “If you don’t have a seat at the table, then you are on the menu.”
As Corina has learned more about herself she has carved out her four primary priorities and everything else is optional. These four priorities are her own well-being (emotionally, physically, spiritually), her youngest daughter who is still at home, her paying job and her school district. Though each day can bring challenges, for the first time in her life Corina feels balance and peace.
Making priorities
When asked what she does to put herself as a priority, she described her self-care ritual musts as:
- Eating good healthy foods
- Exercise 5 days a week, which feels good and provides those amazing endorphins.
- 8 hours of sleep, she turns off her phone and gets those ZZZZs
- She doesn’t go out partying, she would rather focus on those 4 priorities.
- Very little alcohol, only once in awhile
- No smoking or drugs
By staying true to this routine, her mind stays balanced. She has enough energy for her 6 am – 10 pm days.
When asked to choose three words that represent her values, Corina narrowed them down to this:
LOVE – Love and compassion for others, but more love for yourself.
ACCOUNTABILITY – Holding yourself accountable. You know what your body likes and doesn’t like. If you choose not to listen, then the consequences are on you. Being honest and truthful to who you are and empowering others to do the same with you. Lastly, having the courage to call “bullshit” if someone is not honest or truthful.
PERSEVERANCE – Not just surviving but thriving despite the cards you are dealt.
Corina has made major changes in her physical appearance, beliefs and how she lives her life. She continues to be the loving, generous, kind Corina to her core. Those who truly know her, will see it in her eyes. The light might be even brighter because of her effort in transforming into a woman who is living her passion. She is making a difference in her community one child at a time.